Josh sighed in relief as he laid down on the couch. Their apartment was small, a one bedroom with a balcony, small living room, kitchen, and tiny bathroom. Jake had just left and this was Josh’s day off work. Josh had cleaned up the blood before Jake had come in, so he wouldn’t be in trouble. Yet. Josh always seemed to do things wrong, so he had to be punished. Or so Jake thought. Josh knew that he didn’t really deserve to be beat for stupid things like looking a person in the eye. Apparently looking a person in the eyes showed defiance, and usually Josh never did it around Jake, but Jake had caught him by surprise. One glance at Jake’s face was all it took to set him off. Josh hated Jake with a passion, but he was too afraid to leave. What if nobody wanted him and he’d be alone forever? Anything is betting than being alone.
Josh thought back to his weird dream when he passed out. The kiss was tender yet passionate and the Justin guy was a very good kisser. Josh licked his lips with the memory. Justin had smelled like chocolate for some reason, and the sweet scent lingered in Josh’s nose. Uh oh. Now he was hungry. Unfortunately, Jake kept all the cupboards and fridge doors locked with padlocks so Josh couldn’t eat when Jake was gone. Josh had no idea where Jake went when he left, and he realized he didn’t care. Nothing would change whether Josh knew where Jake was or not. Josh would continue to get beat on a regular basis until the day he died. He would never escape, never know comfort until that gorgeous oblivion swallowed him up. Josh sighed. He couldn’t even kill himself because anything he might use as a tool was taken out of the house. The windows were barred, the door padlocked. Josh couldn’t get out. There was nothing left to do but endure. And lose himself in books. No time to dwell on stupid dreams he had while unconscious. Time to read.
Josh picked up his book that was laying where it always was, on the floor by the couch. Josh opened it to his dark purple bookmark and realized something. That wasn’t where he left it the last time he had read. Or at least the last time he read in this world. It was, however, where he had left it in his ‘dream’.
Justin’s eyes wandered out the window as his English teacher lectured about the importance of highlighting or some crap. This was the last period of the day, and all day Justin could only think of Josh. Josh and his eyes, Josh and his lips, Josh and that body. Then Justin would shake himself and force images of Britney into his mind. Britney cheerleading, jiggling in her top, short skirts, and flexible body. It would only take a little while for Justin to go back to Josh. Josh’s hair, Josh’s hands, Josh’s eyes. People say eyes are the windows to the soul. Well, if what Josh had said last night was right, what were the eyes of a soul the windows to? Justin sighed softly. He shouldn’t be thinking about this, shouldn’t be thinking about a guy like this. It was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Finally, the bell rang. The school day was over. Justin closed his eyes and slammed his head down on the desk.
“Justin, are you okay? You’ve been acting weird all day,” Trace, Justin’s best friend, asked as Justin left the classroom.
“Yeah, I guess I’m just really tired,” Justin replied, walking hurriedly to his locker.
“Hey, Justin, we have basketball practise,” Trace yelled, walking to the gym.
“Oh shit! Would you mind telling the coach I’m sick or something?” Trace nodded and Justin continued on his way. The last thing he needed was to be in a room full of sweaty guys in shorts…wait, what the fuck?! Get a hold of yourself Justin! You do not think like this! You think about girls in skirts. You do not worry about guys sweaty in showers rubbing soap on their bodies or in towels with water dripping down…HEY! I am not gay! Say it with me. I am NOT gay! A ninth grade girl jumped about ten feet in the air and Justin blushed when he realized he said that out loud. He picked up her books for her and whispered a bashful ‘sorry’. Okay, you’re just psyching yourself out here. You’re not gay, never have been, never will. Just because you had a dream where you kissed a guy, it doesn’t mean your gay. Now go home, take a nice, cold shower, call your girlfriend, and then go to sleep.
Justin sighed. So far, he had done everything he had thought he was going to do except sleep. Currently he was laying on his bed attempting to do so, but it wasn’t working. Sleep and him just weren’t friends tonight. Sighing again Justin got up and went downstairs to make hot chocolate. It’s what Justin always did whenever he couldn’t sleep. They had the best hot chocolate too, the kind with the little marshmallows in it. Justin put some whipped cream on the top, sneaked a plate of cookies, and headed back upstairs. Turning on the lamp above his bed, Justin decided now would be a good time to do those textbook questions the history teacher assigned. Justin got out a pen and a few sheets of paper and began working on it. Justin was about halfway finished when his vision started getting blurry. The pillow underneath his head was so soft, the blankets around the lower half of his body so warm, his eyelids so heavy.
Josh smiled as he looked around at his surroundings. He was back in that strange house. Josh didn’t even remember falling asleep. Oh, that’s right. He hadn’t fallen asleep. Jake had come home again. Josh’s smiled fell as he remembered. He really needed to ask Jake to lay off the head. Josh winced as a weird, slightly painful sensation ran through his stomach. Hunger pains. Sitting down by the window, Josh leaned his head against it and attempted not to think about food. Which, of course, made it worse. Josh sighed and bit his lip as the tears he couldn’t cry when he was awake came out.
Justin couldn’t believe it. He was back, at that abandoned house. For some reason his hot chocolate and the plate of chocolate chip cookies had come with him. Justin saw the door to the room where he had met Josh and his heart started beating fast. Half of him was saying the same things it was earlier, the other half consumed with a desire to see Josh again. Unfortunately - or fortunately, depending on which way you look at it - the illogical side always seems to win, and this time was no different. Justin was drawn to the door of that room as though the door had was the north pole of a magnet and Justin was the south. Justin pushed open the door and couldn’t stop a smile when he saw Josh sitting on the window seat with his head against the glass once again. The smile faded when Josh’s head snapped toward him and he saw the tears streaming down that beautiful face.
Justin hurried over to the window and sat down next to Josh, setting the plate down on his lap. Justin frowned when he saw Josh clutching his stomach.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Is your appendix like, bursting or something?” Josh laughed through his tears and shook his head.
“I’m just kind of sad,” Josh replied with a smile. “or I was until you came.” Justin’s heart fluttered at the fond look Josh gave him. He swallowed and replied, “Well, your grabbing your stomach.”
Josh waved off Justin’s concern with “Oh, that. I’m just kind of hungry.” Justin’s frown returned and he looked down at his lap.
“Um…you want some cookies?” he asked. Josh looked up at Justin and nodded enthusiastically. Justin smiled and handed him a soft, gooey cookie, which Josh slowly consumed, as though it was the best thing he had ever eaten.
“So, how was your day?” Josh asked politely after he was finished the cookie. “Uh, pretty good,” Justin lied, thinking back to his stressful and confusing day.
“Can we go like, down?” Josh asked, gesturing to the floor. “It might be more comfortable.” Justin nodded and they both slipped down on the floor, sitting cross-legged facing each other. Josh took another cookie as Justin continued the previous conversation. “I talked to my girlfriend on the phone when I got home,” Justin said, offering the one good thing about his day.
“Oh, yeah? How’s she?” Josh asked, looking attentively at Justin.
“Great. She just won a cheerleading competition and she was really excited. She’s really bouncy and she has blonde hair and the perfect body, she works out constantly, so she’s like, super hot, you know? Oh, well I guess you don’t know but yeah,” Justin trailed off, eyes traveling to the floor beneath him. Taking a glance up, Justin noticed Josh had a really cute smile, his eyes all squinty and stuff. Way cuter than anything Britney could have pulled off. Wow, where did that come from? Probably the same place all the other thoughts did, moron. Justin shook his head and looked back down at the carpet.
“Yeah, your right, I don’t know. But tell me Justin, do you?” Josh asked, with that same attentive look.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Justin asked.
“How attracted to her are you?”
“What?! I just got done telling you how hot she is. You’re seriously not making any sense.”
“Look, it’s one thing to know a person’s hot. Like, I know Megan Fox is hot but I’m not attracted to her. What about you? Is it just that you know Britney’s hot, or are you actually attracted to her?” Josh explained.
“Look, just because you want me to be a fag, doesn’t mean I am,” Justin replied, regretting the words the instant they were out of his mouth.
“Ouch, cold,” Josh laughed. Relief coursed through Justin’s body.
“So, considering that, would it be too much to ask for another kiss?” Josh asked, looking at the lightening sky sadly.
“Um…how about a hug?” Justin replied after a few moments. Josh nodded and stood up, Justin following suit. Justin wrapped his arms tightly around Josh, their bodies pressed together comfortably. Justin felt Josh’s face against his shoulder, felt his slow, deep breathing, felt Josh’s strong arms tightly - almost painfully - holding him as though Josh never wanted to let go. And Justin found he didn’t want Josh to. Justin turned his head and got Josh to take his head from Justin’s shoulder, and kissed him. God, it felt so good. The strong arms that were wrapped around Justin pulled him closer, hands lightly touching his back.
When tongue was added to the formula, the kiss turned into a blur of light touches, chocolaty cookie taste, and sighs. Justin seriously thought this may be heaven. It felt so good. And he felt so tired. Oh no. Justin gasped and shot up from his bed. Looking around, it was all he could do to stop from sobbing in frustration. His eyes fell on the plate of cookies. The cookies were gone.
