Hi! It's 2015 and I'm all grown up. Sort of. When I made this site, I was 14. Now I'm 21. As you probably saw on the front page, I am quite embarrassed this whole thing. If you've spent a lot of time in a fandom or joined a fandom when you were rather young, you can probably relate to what I'm saying. I've seen the Tumblr posts. I know plenty of people have fanfic they posted online when they were teens or pre-teens that they know is still floating around somewhere in the ether and they hate it as much as I do.
It took me several years, but I finally figured out the correct email/password combination for this Yola account. Which is fantastic! I've been given an opportunity that few are afforded. I can actually erase my hideously embarrassing fandom history. So why in the name of baby Jesus is this shit still up? To be honest, the answer to this is a bit complex. At the time, this was a lot of fun. Though I didn't realize quite how bad my writing was, I didn't think I was creating anything particularly good - and I didn't care. I was doing the literary equivalent of shoving my hands into a bucket of paint and smearing it carelessly on a blank page. The reward wasn't the product, but the feeling I got during the process. That kind of thoughtless joy is something I've lost over the years. I'm so terrified of writing crap that I can't enjoy writing.
Going through this website brought up a surge of emotions. At first it was wholly negative but the more I read and the more I thought, the more I felt this odd mix of nostalgia and fondness come through. I can't help but wonder, why is it that I want to pretend none of this every happened? Yes, the writing sucks. But so what? Who cares? It's not the end of the damn world. There's nothing wrong with writing badfic, it's all part of a process of learning and growing. But there is something wrong with beating yourself up over having fun.
This website is still up in the hopes that it might help you, oh lovely reader, see that you don't have to be ashamed of your 14 year old self's bad writing and shitty web design skills. You're not alone and this website is proof.
